I stumbled onto this extremely creepy statue at CatholicSupply.com. Who are the weirdoes buying this stuff? The plate should read, “Jesus is My Coach and Inappropriate Friend.”
A few more bizarre items for the devout Catholic golfer:
Yes, a Rosary made from mini golf balls. You're only a few Hail Mary's away from convincing God to miraculously cut strokes from your game.
Miracle Worker Golf Balls with images of saints including Saint Patrick (Patron of Good Luck), Saint Anthony (Patron of Lost Items), and Saint Jude (Patron of Lost Causes). A must for any Catholic golfer.
Tags: Bizarre, Catholic, Creepy, Funny, God, Golf, Inappropriate, Jesus, Pedophile, Rosary, Statue
May 22, 2009 at 11:24 pm |
I’d like to know if any of these gimmicks make any difference in anybody’s game. I suspect not!
I would be seriously creeped out if I felt Jesus come up from behind and wrap his arms around me…
June 4, 2009 at 1:40 am |
I’m not sure if Jesus ever did this to Ted Haggard, the disgraced televangelist who turned out to be gay (after preaching hellfire to all gays). However, I did hear that when he was tempted to “sin” with other men, he would say, “Get thou behind me Satan!”
June 4, 2009 at 2:04 am |
Well, I think Ted Faggard was heard to say once that Satan had fucked him! Perhaps he wasn`t using a metaphor after all!!
June 4, 2009 at 2:07 am |
PS Have a look at Faggard`s “own personal website”. It`ll turn your stomach!! http://tedhaggard.com/
June 4, 2009 at 3:55 am
I had a look at his website. I guess it makes me feel sad for him. It seems like people like Haggard are victims of his own belief. What torment he must have lived with his whole life. And the really pathetic thing is that, after all this, he still believes in christianity! He is so trapped he cannot allow himself to be free. Yes, he has done immense damage to many people, I have no doubt. But he is deluded. He will feel guilty and sinful for the rest of his life. I just shake my head, and chalk up another victim of religion.
(before you revealed you were gay, I thought you might be homophobic because of your reference to “Ted Faggard” – I’m glad you’re not! lol)
June 4, 2009 at 5:37 am
I saw the jesus camp vid with Haggard. Then I came across an even worse one. This was truly unbelievable.
June 4, 2009 at 4:14 am |
No!No!No! It`s the sheer hypocrisy of the man that I despise – not the fact that he is (obviously) gay!! Did you see him on the “Jesus Camp” documentary? “I know what you were doing last night. If you give me a thousand dollars I won`t tell your wife. If you use any of this I`ll sue you”, etc. It`s all on YouTube if you missed it! And the thing that turns my stomach with his website, besides the contrived “happy family” photographs, is the fact that, whilst preaching the Gospel, he is also trying to sell insurance, recruit agents, and also sign vulnerable people up to a VERY expensive programme that will, as if “by magic” free them of all their debts! (If this isn`t just another pyramid scheme, I`m a monkey`s uncle!!). This man really has no shame, and no moral compass whatsoever. He is obsessed with Ted Haggard, full stop!!!
June 4, 2009 at 4:39 am
OK. He’s looking a little bit less like a victim now. I’m going to check out that jesus camp thing. I did see a Bill Maher comment on it, with a bit of the video. It was horrifying. But I didn’t see anything about Haggard. Clearly, I gave the man too much credit (but I guess credit is ok, since he’s going to miraculously free me from my debts! Where do I sign up???)
June 4, 2009 at 4:41 am
Oh, and I know you’re not homophobic if you’re gay yourself! I just meant that was my INITIAL thought. Don’t want any misunderstanding here!!!
June 4, 2009 at 5:14 am |
Oh, no! Not Ted Haggard “the victim” again!! I`ve read this elsewhere, and it`s obvious that they`re puttong this about in his defence! Did you not realize that just as la Faggard was about to launch his TV comeback crusade, a cute little choirboy popped up (so to speak) and said: ” He was doing it with me for years anyway. He said there was nothing wrong with it, but best not to tell anyone just in case!” The man is a liar and a hypocrite!! He was on the “Jesus Camp” documentary preaching that homosexuality is wrong “because the Bible says so”. (Couldn`t be the Bible that`s at fault here, could it?). It was then that he launched into that unforgiveable , but oh so ironic “comic routine”. I always thought when I was a Christian that when you were preaching you were the mouth-piece of the Holy Spirit, and that childish humour was out of place! BTW, I didn`t invent the “Faggard” appellation, the Americans did this, and there are some side-splittingly funny videos on YouTube taking the micky out of the creep. Just have a look – you`ll fall around laughing!!!
June 4, 2009 at 5:31 am |
PS The biggest laugh comes from Haggard himself: “I bought drugs from this prostitute, but I threw them away without taking them!” Hahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!
June 4, 2009 at 6:24 am |
I think I`ve seen all the videos featuring Ted Haggard and Jesus Camp, and, living in England, I watched the Richard Dawkins series right through on national TV. You`d never believe the criticism that he came in for, just for questioning people`s totally irrational belief in the existence of sky gods! The real villain though is the repulsive Becky Fisher: did you see her – she scares the pants off ME!! That woman should be prosecuted for child abuse, though I understand that all the criticism forced her to stand down from her post. As I said elsewhere though, although not a “charismatic” I used to be involved in very similar ventures here in the UK, which is why I feel so guilty now. Parents in England associate “Camp” with fun and games, not religious indoctrination, so are happy for their children to be carted off for brainwashing in this manner, as they are ignorant of what is going on. (I suspect that in America most of them are well aware of the objectives of the Camp. and are quite happy about that. They just want their kids “saved” and “dedicating their lives to Jesus”!) There`s loads of it on YouTube, and much more information elsewhere on the net, so happy hunting!!!
May 23, 2009 at 12:07 am |
[...] Go here to read the rest: An inappropriate golf lesson from a creepy Jesus. « the BEattitude [...]
May 23, 2009 at 12:34 am |
I wonder if He got a hole in one?
May 23, 2009 at 2:28 am |
[...] Go here to read the rest: An inappropriate golf lesson from a creepy Jesus. « the BEattitude [...]
May 23, 2009 at 10:47 am |
I wonder too but… fortunately or unfortunately I know exactly a person who would enjoy this!
May 23, 2009 at 11:03 am |
[...] ‘a very inappropriate golf lesson from Jesus’… how could i NOT click [...]
May 23, 2009 at 11:06 am |
Unbelievable!
May 23, 2009 at 11:07 am |
[...] A very inappropriate golf lesson from Jesus [...]
May 23, 2009 at 12:46 pm |
There are a lot of these very strange and often inappropriate religious items listed somewhere on the net, but as usual I can`t find them now! Who was it that featured the “Jesus Light Switch” in their blog recently? That has to be the funniest example by far. Go to http://www.flickr.com/photos/sepultura/2282088722/ “Do NOT Turn Jesus On” to view it!!
May 23, 2009 at 2:09 pm |
WOOOOW….I am so incredibly creeped out. I sort of feel like I need a shower now. *ugh*
May 23, 2009 at 2:17 pm |
[...] By Matthew I guess people don’t think anymore when they develop money making schemes. This Jesus statue takes it to a whole new level of creepy. What lesson is he teaching these kids? [...]
May 23, 2009 at 3:17 pm |
That is great.
May 23, 2009 at 4:45 pm |
I always figured Thor more the golfing type, myself.
May 23, 2009 at 4:57 pm |
There doesn`t appear to be a “Jesus Is My Coach” statuette for Swimming. Is this because every time Jesus tries to get into the water with the kids He just finds Himself walking around on the surface?
May 23, 2009 at 5:10 pm |
How can Jesus teach kids to swim when He never had to learn?
May 24, 2009 at 1:24 am |
I heard He was a breaststroker JG.
June 4, 2009 at 3:30 am
lol
May 23, 2009 at 6:34 pm |
[...] A very inappropriate golf lesson from Jesus. I stumbled onto this extremely creepy statue at CatholicSupply.com. Who are the weirdoes buying this stuff? The plate [...] [...]
May 23, 2009 at 9:56 pm |
Strange, Strange. This stuff doesn’t help anyone. Why not try God instead of a symbol of him? Try the Word FocusonFreedom.net
Greg
May 24, 2009 at 2:35 am |
I don`t know what you are talking about gregwirths! The Plymouth Brethren completely fucked up my life, and I find all this debunking of primitive mythology wonderfully liberating!!
June 4, 2009 at 3:28 am |
Making fun of objects is fun. Worshipping an invisible, angry, murderous sky-god is stupid, irresponsible and dangerous.
May 23, 2009 at 11:15 pm |
There is nothing wrong with the little girl helping Jesus with his wood. She has a firm grip, smooth stroke and an excellent follow through. The creepy part is most Christians would agree, it should be the alter boy holding Jesus’s wood.
Great Post!
May 24, 2009 at 1:34 am |
But didn`t you follow the link to http://www.catholicsupply.com/christmas/golf.html ? There are also statuettes of Jesus “playing with the boys”! No wonder he said: “Suffer the little children to come unto me”!!!
May 24, 2009 at 1:06 am |
Just as long as Jesus pays the dowry and marries her, it’s all legit, anyway, so I don’t see what the problem is here.
June 4, 2009 at 4:43 am |
Before we marry her off to jesus, we should ensure that she’s of age. Yep, I think she’s over 8 years old. I’ll call the wedding planner.
May 24, 2009 at 1:43 am |
Isn`t it amazing what you find when you are searching for what you want on the net? Whilst following up the “Jesus Light Switch” connection I came across a site called EvolveFish, which supplies promotional items for rationalists – and very good they are too! They actually have “The ResErection Light Cover” @ http://www.evolvefish.com/fish/product2550.html . “Like many of us in today`s economy, Jesus has been downsized. He has gone from being The Light of The World to being the light of the room”!! Check them out!!!
May 24, 2009 at 5:31 am |
Have you seen the jesus light switch?
http://eicolab.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/jesuswhat.jpg
May 24, 2009 at 5:35 am |
Jesus holding two children to watch his hi res erection. lol
May 24, 2009 at 1:55 pm |
I`ve already posted a link to this! (“Do NOT turn Jesus on”!!)
June 4, 2009 at 1:45 am |
C’mon, the poor guy wasn’t allowed to marry, or to have sex outside of marriage. What’s a divine prophet to do???
June 4, 2009 at 4:19 am
Actually, he had the Twelve Disciples – in fact, he possibly “had” the Twelve Disciples!! All carefully hand-picked too!!!
June 4, 2009 at 4:47 am
I recently learned that it was biblical for a man to have sex with his daughter, kill a man and marry his wife, have hundreds of wives and concubines, and to force rape victims to marry their rapists. Nowhere do I read that it is within the bounds of christian teachings to have a harem of men. I dunno, that sounds kinda kinky to me. But I’m no biblical scholar, I could be wrong.
May 24, 2009 at 6:57 am |
There was a time in our culture when this statue would not suggest pedophilia. It doesn’t suggest that to me. I live in an Asian culture where one way children learn is for the sensei to guide the child’s hands as they practice. You can read anything you want into that, but realize that it is from your own heart.
And btw, fyi, fwiw, the Plymouth Brethren completely F*ked up someone’s life?!? So, assuming that the person in question has left that denomination, who are they blaming now? What a whiner!
May 24, 2009 at 7:17 am |
Do you understand humor? Religions all proclaim to be the one true way to some end or means. I am all for stomping on a religion(human virus) that has and is causing harm to society. When Christianity is full priests/bishops who are pedophiles and being hidden, removed, etc to escape blame, prosecution, and damages. Yes damages, mental anguish. Have you read about all the reports of abuse just now coming out of Ireland? How many decades did it take for the truth to come out? I also feel you are awfully presumptuous to call someone a whiner when you do not know the extent of his indoctrination. Was it mental, physical or both? FYI BTW ETC
May 24, 2009 at 7:41 am |
It’s called a sense of humor, some people have one.
Most Christians would also find this funny, or it should otherwise offend them. It makes a mockery of their god.
May 24, 2009 at 2:09 pm |
Linda, you are totally ignorant in both senses of the word! When exactly was I “whining”? Do you have ANY idea what it is like to be brainwashed by the members of a fundamentalist cult, from an early age, and then try to break free when you finally work out for yourself that all the beliefs that you have based your whole life on are a complete pack of lies? I had years of treatment for depression and other associated mental problems due to these evil people, and my career as a teacher went down the pan. I am completely ostracised now by all the people who were once such close friends of mine, except insofar as they keep trying to put pressure on me to “return to the Lord”; and it feels as if years of my life never actually took place at all, but were just a dream. I have nothing to show for all the sacrifices I made “for the Lord”, save an evangelical desire to save others from the same fate, and at my age I think I`m hardly headed for the highest office in the land!! Your solution to all this seems be to “Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life”, but I strongly suspect, from what you have said, that the irony of that particular song was completely lost on you!!!
June 4, 2009 at 1:52 am |
barriejohn, I wanted to give me my support. I too came from a very conservative cult of evangelical christianity. Extremely oppressive – everything was sin, and I was deeply sinful too. I suffered from severe depression, bulimia, addiction to cocaine, and marriage to an abusive husband (just like the god of the OT – jealous, unpredictable, violent, said he loved me but that he would kill me if I ever left. Just like god.)
I had to start to question, or I would die. I knew it. I read the bible, and became more and more disturbed. It didn’t really say what I had been told it said! And this god didn’t seem very loving either. It made sense that I didn’t know what love was at all, if this psychotic god was “love”.
I started reading books by John Shelby Spong, Gretta Vosper, Sam Harris, and Celia Dunn Murray. These were instrumental in my gradual de-programming from christianity. I am now an atheist. I do not believe there is a god. I am happy, and I don’t need anti-depressants. I live without fear and guilt, mostly, although old habits are hard to break. I have much more joy and love in my life than I had before, and when I realize that this is the only life we have, it becomes unbelievably precious.
But the journey from christianity to athiesm was extremely painful. It meant separation, isolation from certain members of my family, and sometimes discrimination. But I am so happy that my instinct was right all along. Obedience is not a virtue – it’s a character flaw. And curiosity and creativity have helped humans evolve. Religion uses fear to stunt growth or questioning.
Congrats on your journey, and for seeing the light!
June 4, 2009 at 2:20 am
I have been reading through all your comments on this blog this morning Janet (wow – some task!!) and I agree with all that you say. Our experiences are very similar, though thankfully I was not married, so breaking free from the shackles of religion was not complicated in that way. I am actually gay, so you can perhaps imagine the conflict that was going on in my mind all those years (I was in fact suicidal at times: threre was no possibility of “coming out” – hahaha!!!). Your views mirror mine precisely, but although happier now, I am constantly aware of the fact that I can never recover all those wasted years, nor undo the damage that I have done to others. It`s a tragedy really.
May 24, 2009 at 1:28 pm |
Consider how the dogs catch frisbees. They do not learn or practice, yet not even college students, in all their ‘ultimate’ tourneys cannot make catches such as these. If that is how God grants the dogs of the parks skills to pay the bills, who are licking their crotches contentedly today and tomorrow are run over by a car on the interstate, how much more will He help you in your golf game, O you of little faith!
May 24, 2009 at 1:40 pm |
Janus Grayden – I believe it would be “O you of no faith!” We have no faithin the make believe, fairy tales or ancient desert dudes that never existed. EVER!
June 4, 2009 at 1:44 am |
Me too. I have “faith” in things that make sense. I don’t worship an imaginary sky-god, or any other. People who say they can hear jesus talk to them are, I fear, mentally ill. Actually, one person hearing voices is mentally ill. Millions of people hearing voices are … “saved”.
May 24, 2009 at 2:11 pm |
No wonder Angel Cabrera is so good at golf!!
May 27, 2009 at 4:28 am |
What ever happened to our traditonal Sacramentals. If I even golfed, I would not have such a blatantly new age statue in my home. This one borders on the obscene. For me and my family, we will keep close to the Sacred Heart of Jesua and the Immaculate Heart of Mary.
Elizabeth Clare, SFO
http://www.ecrosaries.com
May 27, 2009 at 8:00 am |
You came to the blog of a religious skeptic to promote your Catholic trinkets?
Silly ritualistic and scripted prayers to a dead Jewish woman is no less pointless when using “traditional” colorful beads. At least the golf ball Rosary is funny.
May 27, 2009 at 9:37 am |
You are such a spoil-sport BEattitude! I have already ordered a Red Oak St Joseph`s Prayer Kneeler (“Every Home Should Have One”) – 30% off too – AND a free Tau Cross “St Francis & His Peace Prayer” thrown in. I`m over the moon!!
PS I have the following items for sale on my website at knock-down, never-to-be-repeated-prices……
June 4, 2009 at 1:42 am |
I thought religious leaders preferred little boys??? Was I wrong?
June 4, 2009 at 2:00 am |
No Janet, you`re absolutely correct, but just a bit slow!! I have provided the necessary links above that will show you the evidence of Jesus playing “ball games” with little boys! Please pay attention in class!!!
June 4, 2009 at 3:33 am |
Yes, I see that now. Shoulda done my homework. But at least I had the right answer though???
June 4, 2009 at 3:39 am |
barriejohn, I can’t imagine going through what I went through with the added burden of having to hide your sexual orientation. You may regret the wasted years, but look at all the people who will NEVER be released from these cults. They are still ministering to the heathen, even as we speak. Your message is that much more powerful because of what you went through, so who’s to say it was a waste? Plus, even though it’s not really my business, shouldn’t we be enjoying every day of life, since this is really all we are guaranteed? Why waste a moment on regret? (hope this isn’t preachy – feel free to be blunt)
On another note, I can’t remember if this vid was already posted on this blog, but it’s wonderful. If you haven’t seen it, you’ll probably appreciate this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFkeKKszXTw
p.s. I’ve enjoyed your posts too, and I realize I sometimes get a little carried away with my comments. I gotta remember – more isn’t always better!
June 4, 2009 at 4:24 am |
BEattitude posted it yesterday – you really are having trouble keeping up Janet! Have you tried going to bed earlier?!! Actually, I can just imagine a whole lot of evangelical Christians nodding their heads in agreement to all this and muttering “Amen to that, sister”!!!
June 4, 2009 at 4:50 am |
Strike 2 for Janet. Maybe staying up all night commenting on blogs depletes brain cells. Or maybe I was just too damn lazy to double check first. Physiological cause or character flaw? Only god knows for sure i guess.
June 4, 2009 at 5:55 am |
barriejohn, I have another question for you. If it’s too personal, tell me to bug off. How did your de-conversion lead to your loss of career as a teacher? Or was it the depression?
I just really noticed that you said this. I was a lawyer in the bad old days. I was thrust into quite a high profile job pretty much straight out of law school. I was totally out of my element. I was wound pretty tight, and was a disaster waiting to happen. Very depressed, low self-worth (even though it didn’t appear that way to the outside world).
At this point I hadn’t questioned my christian beliefs, even though I wasn’t actively living a christian life. But instead of having the guts to question my beliefs, or leave that job, I self-destructed. I turned to drugs, and destroyed my legal career. I never went back to it, even though I could, because it reminds me of bad times. There’s lots more to say, but as you pointed out so politely, I can tend towards being longwinded….