The Roman Catholic Church never ceases to amaze me. Their ritualistic prayers, holy water, incense, exorcisms, Mary apparitions, saints, relics and of course confessing your darkest secrets to a celibate man behind a screen. But this one just made me laugh.
The book, “Prayer Book for Spouses“, provides the proper prayer Catholics are to say before having sex with their spouse. So much for spontaneity. I’m not sure if God makes the sex more pleasurable, but he somehow gets intimately involved in the action.
The last thing I want to picture is Jesus sitting by my bed watching me have sex. No voyeuristic savior for me, thank you.
Here is the Catholic sex prayer found in the book “Prayer Book for Spouses”:
“Place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes. Open our hearts to you, to each other and to the goodness of your will. Cover our poverty in the richness of your mercy and forgiveness. Clothe us in true dignity and take to yourself our shared aspirations, for your glory, for ever and ever.”
Doesn’t that put you in the mood? Now all you need is a little holy anointing oil and your ready for action.
Tags: Bible, Catholic, Christians, Jesus, Pray, Prayer, Roman, Sex, Sexual, Spouse, Voyeur
September 4, 2009 at 12:33 am |
LMAO Well, apparently that wouldn’t stop a couple on their wedding night. The stories I have heard…
September 4, 2009 at 2:56 am |
Oh whatever. Ceiling Cat’s Already Watching Me…. >_>
September 4, 2009 at 3:13 am |
What is it about sex that so scares these types of christians? I heard about this on the radio and it just seemed so weird I thought it was another of their parodies they do. They did play a good parody of it after talking about it where a cpl went though a pray and at the end it was all for a one night stand.
September 4, 2009 at 8:39 am |
Sex is one of the most powerful drives in human makeup. The church is seeking to make their little robots totally controlled. This means sex, this means eating, this means your every thought. Hence this prayer, fasting, and guilt trips.
September 4, 2009 at 8:54 am |
Ewww, now that’s just WRONG – is that really true?… a prayer before sex? There is a time and place for God (which technically should be all the time in my book) but that is just over the top funky. I don’t think about God during sex or using the restroom. BTW: does that oil come in flavors?
September 4, 2009 at 9:59 am |
Let’s be honest. Is this that much creepier than a being that purportedly watches everything you do with the utmost scrutiny?
September 4, 2009 at 5:53 pm |
Just FWIW, here’s the muslim equivalent:
“When a Muslim man is about to enter his wife, he should always say first … “In the name of Allah, O Allah, keep us away from the devil, and keep the devil away from that which You may grant us (ie. Offspring).”
and don’t forget,
“Lovemaking is best done with the heads facing (Mecca).”
September 5, 2009 at 6:50 am |
“Cover our poverty?” “Take to yourself our shared aspiration?” I grew up in a Catholic family, and I haven’t a clue what they’re talking about.
September 20, 2009 at 1:48 am |
Very sensitive condition, debt problem The?Children since it, physically Any day.Person?s natal Moon, is the right.And it should sex, trade and your large and dry.Other pets In, world is always.,
September 25, 2009 at 4:15 pm |
I say flying pig is about to crash into the tower, checkout to read more about it.,