Pat Robertson’s Web site has just issued a bulletin warning Americans that demons are lurking in our Halloween candy. And it wasn’t a joke.
Christian Broadcasting Network writer, Kimberly Daniels, claims that curses and demons sneak into bags of Halloween candy at grocery stores.
“Most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches, I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.”
“Halloween is much more than a holiday filled with fun and tricks or treats, it is a time for the gathering of evil that masquerades behind the fictitious characters of Dracula, werewolves, mummies and witches on brooms. The truth is that these demons that have been presented as scary cartoons actually exist. I have prayed for witches who are addicted to drinking blood and howling at the moon.”
Consider yourselves warned. Eat too much Haloween candy and you could become addicted to drinking blood and start howling at the moon. Or you could denounce Halloween candy and become a clinically paranoid Christian nut job.
I like to live dangerously, so I’ll take my chances on a demon possessed candy corn.
(via)
© Image from Zazzle.com
Tags: Bible, Candy, Children, Curse, Demon, Devil, Evil, God, Halloween, Jesus, Pat Robertson, Satan, Spirit, Vampires, Witches
October 29, 2009 at 11:19 pm |
I’m surprised that this Kimberly guy actually knows how to write two paragraphs of coherent English sentences since he has obviously not been paying attention in both Science and History classes back in school.
BUT, I’m sure that there will be some “enlightened” liberal Christian who’s gonna tell us that Daniel’s words, just like the Bible, are not to be taken literally.
The entire thing is a deeply profound and senseless metaphor in which ludicrous suggestions such as “curses, demons, mummies, vampires, etc” are actually parables that really mean undesirable dental traits such as tooth decay and bacteria.
They shall then proceed to lecture us on the ethics of quote mining and then fill the comments with red herrings and “examples” of how atheists/agnostics have taken the words of the Bible and many of its believers out of context.
Let’s see how well this “hypothesis” of mine stands shall we?
October 29, 2009 at 11:45 pm |
Wow! I never knew witches were so well organized that they could systematically curse the entire production of Halloween candy. Pretty scary! Makes me wonder.
With an organization like that and access to the production facilities, warehouses, or retail stores, what do you think prevents them from also cursing Easter candy? Quite a bit of candy is associated with Christmas, too. Are evil people somehow magically restricted by the calendar? Maybe, like so many religious people, they are only pious (i.e., evil) around their holidays.
October 30, 2009 at 2:00 am |
“Eat too much Haloween candy and you could become addicted to drinking blood and start howling at the moon. ”
*scratches head* I thought that’s what reading Twilight would do to you…
Then again, that *was* written by a Mormon housewife.
I also find it amusing the notion that Satan and demons etc. answer the prayers of the unholy but God has a pretty hard time getting it right with his peeps.
October 30, 2009 at 2:01 am |
That is, that Satan has time to add cursing to candy while a loving God finds it difficult to feed the starving or heal the sick. hmm.
October 30, 2009 at 4:51 am |
-facepalm-
October 30, 2009 at 5:10 am |
I have heard they have pulled this article. I am waiting for the denials or claims that hackers did it. What can you really expect from the people that have brought you so many failed prophecies. I don’t understand why anyone even listens to these people and their twisted version of reality.
October 30, 2009 at 7:27 am |
It was pulled, but Google cached it and I PDF-ed it.
The Dangers of Celebrating Halloween
You can Google the article link and then click on cached also.
October 30, 2009 at 9:08 am |
Nice. It’s impossible to deny idiocy on the internets.
October 30, 2009 at 8:49 am |
Is anyone sure this isn’t a hoax? It’s really just too bizarre even for Christian fundamentalists.
“During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.
“Even the colors of Halloween (orange, brown and dark red) are dedicated. These colors are connected to the fall equinox, which is around the 20th or 21st of September each year and is sometimes called “Mabon.” During this season witches are celebrating the changing of the seasons from summer to fall. They give praise to the gods for the demonic harvest. They pray to the gods of the elements (air, fire,
water and earth).
“Mother earth is highly celebrated during the fall demonic harvest. Witches praise mother earth by bringing her fruits, nuts and herbs. Demons are loosed during these acts of worship.”
Kimberly Daniels knows an awful lot about witches and demons. Really, it’s too bizarre.
October 30, 2009 at 1:08 pm |
My mother literally believes in the existence of demons and spirits and that certain things (which she, personally feels immoral, of course) have demons attached to them.
Honestly, these are people who believe in a magical world where “good and evil wage war in a spiritual realm: (words lifted directly from some of the sermons I had heard). What’s funny is that my dad is a conspiracy nut who believes basically the exact same thing but with different bogeymen and heroes.
My take is that in modern society, our contributions are relatively meaningless. We’re usually in jobs alongside dozens of people who are expendable. It’s human nature to want to feel like there’s something that makes us special in an existence that constantly reinforces the exact opposite of this.
October 30, 2009 at 3:38 pm |
It’s human nature to want to feel like there’s something that makes us special in an existence that constantly reinforces the exact opposite of this
DING!DING!DING!DING!DING!DING! What I’ve been saying/thinking for quite some time now. I like the way you put it so succinctly. I am so stealing and quoting this.
October 30, 2009 at 9:00 am |
There’s a whole subset of Christian culture that believes exactly things like that, that demons are all around us trying to influence us. How do I know this? I used to be a part of it. Read Frank Peretti’s This Present Darkness and you will have a glimpse of what some Christians believe the world is really like.
October 30, 2009 at 9:10 am |
Ditto. I still have a group of friends that would fully agree with this article. Indoctrination and brainwashing does weird things to your perspective of reality.
October 30, 2009 at 10:38 am |
Really, wow. Sometimes it seems that there’s this entire parallel culture out there about which I know nothing. We often see statistics about how many people think creationism should be taught in schools, etc. but I’m pretty sure most of those people aren’t really thinking it through and don’t subsribe to the entire fundamentalist belief system. I base that statement on some distant cousins who often say contradictory things about what they believe. I’d be curious to know how many people buy into this whole alternative reality.
October 30, 2009 at 10:34 am |
Wow… are you sure that isn’t a joke?
October 30, 2009 at 11:23 am |
Of course Paul says that you can eat meat offered idols as long as nobody specifically tells you “this was offered to idols.” But if someone tells you, then don’t eat it for their conscience sake (not because there are actually demons in it). (Paul actually complains “why should another man judge my conscience?” Although he allows that that should happen.) I guess every evangelical in America, therefore must allow Pat Robertson to judge their conscience and “not eat any candy so long as the world stand lest they make their brother Pat to offend.” Good thing he’s not my brother, cuz I want some candy. Crazy heretics and their candy-bashing.
November 2, 2009 at 12:08 pm |
Paul was replying to a question that had arisen among the new Christians in the congregation at Corinth. These Christians had been converted from pagan Greek cults that sacrificed animals. The meat was then sold in the marketplace. Most of these people had been eating this meat all their lives, and wanted to know if it was wrong to subsidize a pagan religion by buying the sacrificed meat.
Paul’s answer was that eating the meat was OK – there was only one God and the Greek pagan gods did not exist, therefore the sacrificial meat had no power over a Christian. But Paul also said that if eating meat sacrificed to idols offended some of the newer members of the congregation – who were trying to emotionally process their break from the old ways – then don’t do it because it might offend them. Your actions should be based on how it affects your friends.
October 30, 2009 at 3:03 pm |
The complete article is here:
http://www.charismamag.com/index.php/prophetic-insight/23723-the-danger-of-celebrating-halloween
October 30, 2009 at 5:20 pm |
You know while wiccans and pagans are worshipping Lucifer, the Calvinists worship Martin Lucifer and his henchman John Calvin. The jackolantern is standar decoration for halloween, but replicas of Michael Servtus being burned at the stake are staples for “Reformation Day.” Just google Reformation Day. They really do it Oct 31st. The witches word Lucifer for being evil. The Calvinists worship him and his apostles Luther and Calvin for his evil doctrine of faith onlyism. And its all on the same day! Oh goodie. Watch out for Calvinists dressed as Puritanical tyrants trying to convert you to their Evil Lottery Commissioner god tomorrow when you go trick-or-treating. And be sure not to sing any songs making fun of Calvin. That’s punishable by tongue perforation, especially in Geneva.
November 1, 2009 at 9:53 am |
I must agree that faith-only salvation is an evil and lazy doctrine.
October 31, 2009 at 3:57 am |
Here is a link to MSNBC reporting on this story. http://www.atheistmedia.com/2009/10/beware-of-demonic-candy.html
November 1, 2009 at 9:08 am |
I LOVE it! Hershey’s, Mars, and Nestle corporations vs. the fundies! Can we get some imprecatory prayer on high-fructose corn syrup?
Well, of course Easter candy and Xmas candy is also cursed. Those are pagan holidays taken over by the whore of Babylon Catholic church, don’tcha know?
Seriously, though, the fear of witchcraft fostered by various Protestant groups is causing child abuse and murder. Not just in Nigeria and Angola, but in abusive exorcisms conducted here in the US. You probably already know that an African witch-hunting preacher prayed over Sarah Palin. Look up African witchcraft on YouTube and be prepared to be shocked. The American churches that founded these congregations are not exactly rushing to stop the witch-finding. How can they? The Bible says that witches, demons and magic exist.
November 1, 2009 at 9:51 am |
A second thought- do you think it might be possible to “ruin” a group’s entire food supply by going to their local Piggly Wiggly and cursing it? If you need a download of some fabulous Macumba ritual music to complete the ambiance, just let me know.
November 1, 2009 at 2:07 pm |
On behalf of all carbon based life forms, let me say without reservation: Pat Robertson is NOT one of us.
November 1, 2009 at 2:33 pm |
Seconded!
November 1, 2009 at 3:18 pm |
Funny how these “demons” know the difference between the innocent and the wicked, but not between your house and the grocery store.
November 1, 2009 at 4:58 pm |
Maybe it’s an open secret, but I think it’s clear that for too many people, religious beliefs hide some deep seated psychosis.
November 2, 2009 at 12:13 pm |
I wish Pat Robertson would think these things through.
Is he saying that witches can exert actual power over Christians by cursing Halloween candy? That is foolishness – unless he no longer believes that Jesus Christ died and descended into Hell to conquer evil.
Halloween has gotten way, way too much attention from our culture. Time to put it back into a box – but not by scaring everyone with curses on candy.
November 2, 2009 at 1:10 pm |
If Jesus conquered evil and witches don’t exist, why were countless “witches” tortured and burned at the stake by Christians?
The Bible is a dangerous thing. When people believe it is the word of God they can justify almost any irrational superstition or hateful act.
Halloween is little more than a silly holiday that boosts our economy and makes our asses bigger. Christians need to reduce their level of superstition and attempt enjoying life without such a fearful and paranoid outlook.
November 2, 2009 at 12:55 pm |
Or, we could simply recognize Halloween for what it means to us here in the US of A: innocent, family-oriented fun.
November 2, 2009 at 6:22 pm |
Stores have already put their Christmas candy out.
November 7, 2009 at 2:15 pm |
Thank you for this warning.
I and my children were wondering where our cursed candy had gone as when we praying over it in the aisle someone came along and snatched it away before we could put it in our buggy as we were busy chugging blood.
I’m light headed from laughing so hard at this.
If I could exert any kind of power over candy, it sure wouldn’t be to call demons. It would be so that I could eat 4 bags of reese’s cups and not grow another butt cheek.
As for us, we were forced to hand out uncursed Candy And Soda, making us the Most popular house on the block this Halloween.
November 7, 2009 at 10:24 pm |
Say, is it possible to make a curse that retroactively does some good? <_<
December 4, 2009 at 11:25 pm |
Why, Do you have some candy that needs a cursin’?
We’ll need blood, and some demons. My demon quota has been used up this year by Halloween.
And I guess its possible to make a retroactively “good” Curse spell..What are you looking into?
I’ve never tried it. The demons do all the hard work, I just chug blood.
December 5, 2009 at 1:45 am |
This is sort of an obscure joke, A chicken, considering that theBEattitude did not quote the part of the article that talks about time-delayed evil curses.
January 20, 2010 at 12:52 pm |
They must be taking drugs-how else could someone come up with shit like that?Demon possessed candy?